People with herpes should wear stickers.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
