I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
She has never blacked out. I have tried to get her to so many times. Apparently it's a lot harder than we make it out to be.
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
Is there anything more American than getting day drunk and watching Hulk Hogan promos?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
When we were fucking he called me by his moms name then after we were done told me to call him. He's not receiving a call... What if his mom picks up?
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
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