If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
