I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Randomize
