my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
Randomize
