does the new i-phone have a pregnancy test app?
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Randomize
