Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
just found my old 10th grade stash of beer in a shoebox. guess who's getting trashed tonight
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
