haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
hell yes lets make some ravioli
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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