I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
