I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
No we are not "bros" because I came out of my moms vagina& you went in there.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
i think my cat just said my name.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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