6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
i just passed i guy i once let listen to me masterbate on the phone...nyc is not big enough
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
