Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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