we're blogging at a bar
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Randomize
