Say something about gay babies.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
any plan I had today of being a productive member of society, I am officially throwing out the window.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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