I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
