she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
