I am full of burrito and curiosity
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
