well we can cross tagging a chick in a movie theatre off the list of things to do before we die
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
You have no idea how awkward it is fucking someone with the same name as your dog
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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