Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Randomize
