Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
she definitely didn't appreciate it when you justified bringing her home by yelling to me "fat bitches need love too"
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
