Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
I like your optimism Chelsea but I'm not about getting my salad tossed
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Randomize
