You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
Randomize
