Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Randomize
