apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
