I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize
