Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
Randomize
