Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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