My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
At one point they were sandwiching me, both petting my stomach, mad dogging each other. Then they somehow telepathically decided to both try to pull my pants down. Such nice guys.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I think I had Hypothermia but was too drunk to notice.
Randomize
