Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
