the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
