I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
I'm going to rape someone's good day.
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
If this week is any indication of my life here I've got to get out ASAP. My liver can't hack it.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
