I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I think we should take up crocheing or stamp collecting....something completely lacking penises
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
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