Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize
