She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
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