hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
