I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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