He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I guess I'm in a committed relationship. We just had shot 1 of 3 of Gardasil. I'm now dead inside.
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
One minute we're singing Wagon Wheel, and the next you're belly dancing in a trash bag on the beer pong table
Randomize
