I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
