i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I didn't know it was possible to make picking up dog shit look sexy.
She did the bend and snap...
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
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