Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
Randomize
