I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
The guy that just projectile vomited over the balcony is now going down to find the pill he just puked up. He said he wasn't about to waste $15.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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