somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
