someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
Randomize
