Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
