No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
think they'd let him outta jail for my wedding? we could have him back by like midnight....
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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