What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
