end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
There's always time for handjobs
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize
