Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
So after we found out he wasnt throwing up blood in was just hawaiian punch and we all failed breathalyzers the cop drove us around like a taxi and brought us back to the apartment
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
