I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
No, gay couples have the same problems straight ones do; I wish that we could go back to the days when he would shit with the door closed.
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
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