matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
In other news there's 12 shirtless Korean dudes all trying to jump on a tiny little trampoline so that's entertaining
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
Randomize
